Papyrus' Whacky Adventures
by TheAutisticDuo
Summary: I'm going to kill myself if I keep writing garbage like this
1. Meatspinss

"Wowie! I sure do love having autism!" Papyrus shouted from his bedroom window into the New York streets below the apartment complex.

"Shut the fuck up dumb loser!" Shouted someone from the street, "Kill yourself!"  
"My brother calls me special!" Papyrus called back. Then, Papyrus pulled his head back into his bedroom and slumped onto his race car bed, "Wowie...zowie."

He turned down for what then walked over to his super sick ass Windows XP with the flames on the sides and decided to check his MySpace where he had a total of eight followers. He scrolled down his page, staring at his nudes that he leaked himself thinking it would gain him more internet fame. But so far, no one even looked at them, "How can I be like Amanda Todd if no one looks at my nudes?" He was puzzled by this strange outcome of his leaked nudes. But then he noticed he actually got a message! He clicked on it, seeing it was from _BoneMan69_ _aol_ _.com_. Papyrus sighed and rolled his pupils. It was that notorious troll who would always spam his posts with bad puns in a funny font. The message just read, _"check out these sick spins"_ with a link, meatspin . fr .

"Nyeh heh heh! This is a meme, I bet! Unfortunately for this troll, I am a MEME MASTER!" Papyrus clicked the link with no hesitation and awaited as his slow ass malware infested computer loaded it up. That's when the spinning dick appeared to the song, "You Spin Me Right Round". Papyrus was rightfully confused. He had one hand on his dick and the other on his chin as he studied the penis, trying to decipher how it could spin with such momentum.  
"Such speeds shouldn't be possible!" He cried out. Papyrus looked over his shoulder at his bedroom door and called out for his brother, "Hey, Sans! There is a human genitalia spinning at incredibly high speeds on my computer monitor and I think it has malicious intent!"  
Sans stayed quiet, but a ding sounded from the computer meaning the troll BoneMan69 sent another message. Papyrus changed tabs back to MySpace and read the message out loud, "stop being a fucking bitch."

Papyrus' skelly fingers clacked against the keyboard as he said what he typed out loud, "Listen here you big dumb jealous troll. If you don't stop bullying me, I'm going to be forced to call Undyne to report you to the cyber police. You'll go to Guantanamo Bay for cyber crimes, you troll!"  
"ur gay lol" BoneMan69 replied back.  
"Oh my god I've been triggered. SAANS!" Papyrus screamed, tears forming in his eyesockets. Once Sans didn't reply, Papyrus stormed out of his bedroom and pounded on Sans' door, "Come block this bully for me! I'm too autistic to do it myself!"  
"go away poopyruns i am fap" Sans answered.  
"Omg Sans I'm triggered by your constant fapping!"

"well bro im triggered by your dumb face. ###rektt"

Papyrus groaned in frustration, "Sans! This isn't the time to be making puns omg you fucking lazy bones piece of shit!"

Papyrus stormed back into his bedroom, now knowing that his dumb piece of shit brother wasn't gonna do anything because he's gay and stupid. He then decided to focus on the high speeds of the meatspins and closed MySpace so he could focus on how a penis could spin so fast. He decided to show Alphys tomorrow morning. She's a specialist in humans and watches a lot of hentai and yaoi so she would know about penises. With that last thought, he shut off his computer and went to sleep in his race car bed.

It was the next morning, and Alphys was chilling out in Undyne's sick new house making some ramen in her Boku no Pico onesie. Undyne was out spearing gays in the dicks for the weekend so Alphys had the entire house for herself. She sat down on the couch and readied herself to watch so Futa Club when suddenly, Papyrus kicked open the door, his entire computer in his hands with the wires trailing behind him, "Alphys! Check out these sick spins!" He put his computer on the coffee table and hooked it up.  
"Papyrus what the fuck get the fuck out you skeleton faggot." Alphys told him, but Papyrus ignored her.  
"Wowie, these are some really sick spins." Papyrus clicked on the meatspin link again and pushed the monitor over to Alphys. She sat there, watching with confusion as the penis spun, "Papyrus what the fuck is that are you gay?"  
"Wowie, Alphys. You're a scientist, right? You can explain how the penis is moving so fast."  
Then Undyne ran in and was like "WOW that's a penis!" Then she shoved a spear up her rectum and ran out.  
Papyrus stared at Alphys for an explanation, tapping the tips of his boner fingers with anticipation.  
Alphys' eyes squinted at the spinning dick, "My mind is coming up blank. I can't think of a reason for it to be spinning so fast."  
"Omg Alphys hurry up and do science shit you dumb anime bitch." Papyrus answered with an optomistic smile.  
"Okay chill jeeze fucking skelly faggot." Alphys put her bowl of ramen down on the table and stood. Walking towards her super sick white board with the vocaloid magnets on the sides, she picked up a dry erase marker and began writing formulas n shit on the board. Really, this dino bitch had no idea what she was doing and was just wasting time in hopes that Papyrus would leave, but after 5 minutes of writting random numbers and letters, Papyrus was still standing there.  
Alphys turned to face him, "I-I can't really..um...concentrate with you standing there." She explained.  
"Okay! I'll just go in the kitchen and make spaghetti then cause I'm such a super cool friend!" Papyrus answered.  
"Omg Papyrus get the fuck out my house I was trying to watch anime." Alphys decided to be straight up with the autistic skeleton. Seriously, this bone nigga isn't ever gonna learn if everyone keeps babying his gay ass.  
"Wowie, okay!" Papyrus answered as he picked up his computer, "You're obviously not as smart as I am, so I can understand that your brain needs a break from spinning penises once in a while."  
He walked out the door, not bothering to close it behind him because his hands were full.  
Alphys erased her bullshit off the white board and sat down on the couch, readying herself for the animus and mangos.

Papyrus walked into his apartment complex where he saw Sans sitting on the couch asleep, wearing a ketchup stained shirt and smelling like ass, "Omg Sans you lazy bones wake up!" Papyrus screamed at him, "Do you know how a penis could spin at incredibly high speeds?"  
"cause ur gay lol" Sans answered in his sleep.  
That was the last straw for Papyrus. He couldn't handle all this bullying and fell to his knees, sobbing.  
Sans awoke to his sobbing and stared at him in confusion, "why're you being a bitch?"  
"Because everyone's bullying me, Sans!" Papyrus cried, "Everyone's bullying me and I just wanna know why this dick is spinning so fast!"  
Sans didn't really care. He was too busy trying to suck off the wet stains of ketchup from his shirt, but he couldn't because he was a skeleton and didn't have lips, and therefore, could not do a sucking motion.  
"Sans, I'm gonna go kill myself!" Papyrus declared as he walked up the stairs, just leaving his computer on the floor.  
"lol k" Sans answered, still trying to suck the ketchup off his shirt.  
That's when Gaster showed up, "Sans, your brother is going to kill himself, don't you care?"  
"lol no fuck that faggot." Sans answered.  
Gaster looked down at him in a mix of pity and disappointment, "Look at you...trying to suck ketchup off your shirt...you can't do that. You're a skeleton, Sans."  
"shut the fuck up dad. go back to being scattered across time and space, faggot."  
Sans' words hurt Gaster, but he forced himself to hide his emotions, "It's taking all my energy to be here."  
"dad? more like, dead." Sans laughed at his own pun then grabbed the ketchup bottle from the coffee table and began to chug it.  
"Sans, you have to stop this. You have to start caring about things again, or your ketchup addiction is just gonna get worse. If not for yourself, then do it for Papyrus..."  
"ok first of all," Sans stood up and pointed a finger at Gaster, "you're dead, so i don't have to listen to you anymore, dad! and i don't have an addiction omg and i care about stuff like ketchup ok so fuck off."  
Gaster was visibly annoyed now, "Omg Sans you're a piece of shit like I put effort into showing up here and you treat me like ass. You and Papyrus are the worst things that ever happened to me. You are my bastard children and every day I regret not aborting you two."  
"yeah you should've aborted us. i'm a midget and papyrus is retarded, we both wish for death." Sans took another gulp of ketchup, then slammed the empty bottle on the table and wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his hoodie, smudging ketchup all over it.  
Gaster did some sick wing ding hand motions and disappeared, and probably won't ever talk to his kids ever again.

Meanwhile, Papyrus was in his bedroom. Tears streamed down his cheek bones as he sat at the edge of his racecar bed, "Wowie...I just wanted to know why the penis spun so fast..." He mumbled as he stared at the belt in his hands. He put the belt around his neck and looped it through the buckle, giving it a tug. The belt tightened around his neck vertebrates and he sat there for hours until he realized he was a skeleton and couldn't choke himself to death.  
Papyrus didn't know what to do next. So that night, he cried himself to sleep. He never figured out why the penis was moving so fast, and he never will...


	2. Error Sans Has a VERY Bad Time

This story takes place in an alternate timeline, one where they aren't on the surface anymore and Frisk is doing the genocide route.

Frisk stood in the golden hallway, clutching the knife so hard their knuckles turned white. Sans stood in front of them, his hands in his pockets, maintaining his casual posture, "hey, kid. do you think anyone can change? anyone can be a good person if they tried?"  
"What're you fucking gay?" Frisk asked.  
Sans snickered, "heheh...i guess the better question to ask is..." his eyes went dark, "do you wanna have a bad time?"  
Frisk hides her DVD copy of Chef in the front of his pants and prepares for battle.  
"...breads are singing...floors are blooming...on days like these, kids like you...should be burning in heck. (an: sorry my mom read my fanfictions and said i can't swear anymore)"  
Sans threw Frisk against the floor. Before he could tear zir apart with bones, ze dodged out of the way. They knew the routine well enough. First, telekinesis, then bones, then gaster blasters. Frisk dodged flawlessly.  
Sans' grin spread, "you've done this before..." he points out.  
Frisk glared up at them, a smile spread on her face as he wiped blood from his cut lip, "That's right, you freaking hecker...you can't beat me...I'll always be stronger.."  
Sans outstretched his arm forward in a blue fury as bones shot towards Frisk. Frisk dodged out of the way, the bones exploding and leaving craters in the hallway where Frisk once stood just mere seconds ago.  
"our reports indicated an anomaly in the timeline...things changing...it was you, wasn't it?" Sans asked.  
"Heck yeah." Frisk replied.  
Sans' breathing became heavier as he became more agitated with Frisk's bone evasion. Blue smoke seeped from his left eye and Frisk gave him an amused smile.  
"okay! this is it! this is the final straaaaaaaaaaaw! i've had it with all your fricken resets and all your fricken timelines and all your fricken...brother killing frick! you are the one that ruined the underground for everyone! can't you see that? what the frick are you doing? doing all this fricken garbage!"  
Frisk was surprised by Sans' outburst, "Holy heck."  
"I'M TIRED OF YOU FRISK! I'm so fricken mad, y'know i'm so fricken mad... i mean, you kid, you kid, have officially made me LOSE MY MARBLES! this...is a NIGHTMARE!" Sans threw a nearby chair to the ground very much in anger, "i bet no monster would have predicted that the fricken asian looking kid would RUIN EVERYTHING! Because you frickin frick can never be quenched...your FANTASIES CAN'T EVER BE QUENCHED, CAN THEY? you fricken frick! when will you learn? when will you learn? that your ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES?!" Tears seeped from his eyes as he shot gaster blasters towards Frisk. This was new, this was different. Frisk has never seen this from the fight with Sans before. They still dodged, struggling this time to predict where Sans' new attacks would be. But their fight was interrupted by the sound of static.  
Both of them stopped, clenching their ears with pain as the static worsened. A flicker emerged from between them, slowly opening up into a white, staticy portal. Error!Sans stepped out, blue strings running up and down the length of his arms. He let out a laugh as he turned his head from Sans, to Frisk, then back to Sans, "This is an interesting t-t-t-t-t-time line...the Sans in this one makes his own decisions, disregarding the s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-cript in this time-l-l-l-l-line..." He grinned at Sans, his edgy red eye flaring.  
Both Sans and Frisk were speechless, and Error Sans made another snicker, "W-w-w-what's wrong with you? Why aren't you a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-answering? Cat got your t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-tongue?"  
"...what are you?" Sans asked, his eyes darkened.  
Error Sans avoided the question, "D-d-d-do you know the probability of your timeline happening? 23$%^%2#$5678^% #$5678976543#$%^&*89765432134567*&^%$# divided by square root 5 times 69 plus 1488 percent squared...you know what that means? You're just a m-m-m-mistake...a glitch in the t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-tt-t-t-t-t-" Something was off about Error Sans. His face became blank, and the color drained from his body. He began thrashing around violently, "t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-"  
"oh no...he's having a stroke!" Sans cried and both him and Frisk ran to Error Sans. Sans caught Error Sans before he could fall to the ground. Error Sans began thrashing in Sans' grasp, flailing his arms around and foaming from the mouth.  
"Put him down, Sans! He's having a seizure! You gotta wait it out or you'd hurt him!"  
Sans listened to Frisk, gently putting Error Sans down on the floor. The two took a step back as they waited for Error Sans' spasms to calm.  
"we gotta call someone!" Sans exclaimed, turning to Frisk with an expression of worry on his face. Frisk pulled out their cellphone and dialled in 9-1-1.  
" _Hi, 9-1-1, what's your emergency?"_  
"Someone's having a stroke in the judgement hall! We need an ambulance right now!"  
 _"We'll send an ambulance over there right away, hang on and stay on the line with me, okay?"  
_ Frisk nodded, "okay..." but both hers and Sans' eyes were trained on Error Sans who's seizure was beginning to ease. But his muffled Ts still sounded, "...t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-"  
Sans crouched down beside Error Sans and put one hand on his cheek, "error Sans! can you hear me? say something other than T!"  
Error Sans stared up at Sans, his vision was blurred, "...t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-..." Suddenly, everything went black.  
He could could only recall darkness and the sound of ambulance sirens. The heavy boots of paramedics running towards him, shouting orders at each other as they hoisted Error Sans up onto a stretcher. He could remember the rattling sound of medical equipment in the ambulance as they drove the short distance to the hospital. The doctors' worried voices as they hurried him over into an operation room.  
It all seemed like it lasted forever, but at the same time as if it has only been a second.

Error Sans awoke in a hospital room. His eyes fluttered open and he let out a groan. A tube was inserted into his left arm, pumping liquid into him from a bag hanging on a rack beside him. On the other side was an end table where a vase of buttercups sat. In front of the vase was a pink card decorated with sprinkles and hearts. Error Sans raised his arm, it hurt to move but he still reached for the card and opened it. A smile spread on his face, "Get well soon. Love Frisk and Sans." He smiled as he read the card aloud, then set it down on his chest and let out a sigh. Half from tiredness, half from relief of being alive.  
But his tranquillity was short-lived when a doctor entered the room. His white coat and seafoam scrubs were pressed and neat, and he clutched a clipboard in his arm. Beside him was a nurse pushing in an empty wheel chair into the room.  
"Error Sans! I'm glad to finally see you awake." The doctor smiled at Error Sans.  
Error Sans glanced at the wheel chair, then back at the doctor, "What happened?" He asked, his tone concerned.  
The doctor's face went grim, "well um..." He glanced down at his clipboard, then back at Error Sans, "I don't really know any way to say this, so I'm just gonna..y'know, say it." He let out a sigh and gave Error Sans a serious look, "We've never seen anyone with your condition before. There was so much ketchup and hotdogs in your system that your body just shut down. There as been spinal damage during your seizure...you're paralysed from the waist down. You may never walk again."  
Error Sans' eyes widened, and that's when he noticed; his entire upper body ached, but he felt nothing in his legs, "Th-there's nothing you can do?!" He asked in shock.  
The doctor shook his head, "Not unless you're willing to pay ten grand for surgery."  
That was far out of Error Sans' budget. His eyebrows creased with sorrow, and he wished the stroke would have just killed him. That would have been a better fate than this.  
"Here, lemme just sit you up." The nurse suggested as she stepped over to the remote controlling the bed. The top half of the bed raised, sitting Error Sans up. Tears were forming in his eyes, he just couldn't imagine himself being a cripple for the rest of his life.  
The doctor noticed Error Sans grief and shrugged as he readied to depart, "Well, I guess we'll just leave you alone for a bit, then. But just so you know, it's not the end of the world." He put one hand on Error Sans' shoulder, "There are tons of programs for people in your situation. They can help you adapt to your new life."  
Error Sans nodded, "O-okay, thank you."  
The doctor gave him a comforting smile, then both him and the nurse walked out. Error Sans sighed. Once the two were gone he decided it was okay to let the tears flow. They ran down his cheekbones, rolling off his jawline and dripping onto the card on his lap. He looked down at it, seeing his tears were soaking into the paper. He opened the card again and reread it. That's when the door opened again and Sans and Frisk walked in. Their optimistic faces turned grim as they saw Error Sans.  
"what happened? what'd they say?" Sans asked as the two stepped up to the bed.  
Error Sans let out a shaky breath, "They said I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I'll never walk a-a-a-a-a-a-again-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n..." Then, without warning, Error Sans started to have another seizure.  
"oh no, oh shit—doctor!" Sans called out. Both Sans and Frisk stepped out of the way as the doctor ran in with the nurse.  
Error Sans was carted into the emergency room. But once he awoke, his seizure was so bad that he got brain damage. Sans and Frisk stared down at Error Sans in the hospital bed, the doctor standing beside them with his clipboard.  
"what happened to him?" Sans asked, looking up at the doctor.  
"Error Sans' brain rattled against his skull during the seizure episode. He has brain damage."  
"what does that mean?"  
"It means hes...retarded..."  
Sans and Frisk gave the doctor a confused look, "but, what does that mean?!" Sans asked.  
The doctor sighed, his face turned grim and he looked down at the floor, "It means...he will never be not retarded..."  
Sans and Frisk gasped, "...no..."  
"It's true..." The doctor turned and looked at them, "...There's nothing we can do for him...sorry...for your loss..."  
The doctor walked out, leaving Sans and Frisk alone with their handicapped, retarded friend. They stared at him with pity, "What're we supposed to do now?" Frisk asked, glancing at Sans.  
Sans' eyes darkened, "He can't function in a world where it's kill or be killed... there's only one thing we can do..."

It was a few hours later. Sans brought the car to a halt at the river bank. Both him and Frisk walked out, the moon shined down on the two of them as they walked to the back of the car. Error Sans' screams and bangs were heard from the inside of the trunk. Sans pulled the trunk open and both of them looked down at Error Sans' crippled, retarded form.  
"i'm so, so sorry...error sans..." Sans said as the two hoisted Error Sans out of the trunk and into his wheelchair. They pushed him to the river bank as Error Sans screamed in retarded rage and flailed his arms around. They chose a spot that would be the deepest and stood over it with Error Sans for a short moment. Sans let out a sigh, "goodnight sweet prince..."  
Sans and Frisk pushed Error Sans into the water. They both turned and shut their eyes as Error Sans screamed and splashed into the water. Not seeing that just underneath the surface a portal to the other timelines has opened.  
Retarded cripple Error Sans was now free to go into any timeline he wanted...

Sans and Frisk packed up their things. They were silent the entire ride home, both struggling to keep themselves together over what they just have done. Which would have been more ethical? To end the life of a sweet little retarded cripple? Or to leave him to fend for himself in this cruel, harsh timeline?  
They would have to live with the weight of this for the rest of their lives...

(AN: This asshole literally went into another timeline to kill everyone, but then ended up getting two seizures, brain damage, and a wheelchair. Don't go fucking with timelines, kids. You're gonna have a bad time.)


End file.
